By: Brian Mangan
Mets fans learned yesterday that ace pitcher, and 24 year old cornerstone of the franchise Matt Harvey was diagnosed with a serious elbow injury. The New York Times described his presence – which I called “Harvukkah” and which the mainstream just called “Harvey Day” – as follows: “Matt Harvey was that beacon for the Mets this season. He started the All-Star Game on their home field, and his workdays brought the expectation of greatness.”
At this time it is not clear how long Harvey will be out of action, but it is quite possible that he will have to undergo the dreaded “Tommy John” surgery, which would put him out of commission for at least a year, and from which there is a chance he may never recover fully.
It is truly a sad moment for a downtrodden franchise. I agree fully with the sentiment tweeted by Joel Sherman this morning when he said “when a player as talented as Harvey is lost the despair is for the whole sport, not just #Mets and their fans.”
My friends all know that Matt Harvey is my favorite Met by far. As my favorite Met, he is by default my favorite baseball player, favorite athlete, and favorite person-in-the-world-that-I-haven’t-actually-met. It’s so bad that my friends have actually been consoling me rather than making fun:
Mark (Yankee fan): Matt Harvey noooooooooo
Mark: I’m upset too
Eddie (Yankee fan): I am very sorry for your loss.
As I go through the various stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) I decided that there was one thing, as a Mets fan, I could depend on in this dark time: jokes. Lots of jokes (I believe that I am presently between anger and bargaining). Instead of being depressed (yet), presenting a new business plan, or looking to place blame, let’s just laugh.
So without further adieu, I present to you the ten best “Matt Harvey is injured, Mets fans please don’t go kill yourselves” jokes that I’ve seen so far. I’ll be updating these funnies throughout the day if I see new ones:
1. “Matt Harvey wouldn’t have gotten hurt if he hadn’t posed nude for ESPN. #TommorrowsKlapischToday” – Craig Calcaterra, making fun of Bob Klapisch.
2. “WFAN caller ‘We still have Murphy.’ The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I gotta hunt that caller down and kill him first.” – Kevin Clancy, Barstool Sports.
3. “Need more leeches.” – Baseball Think Factory comment.
4. “The MRI also revealed the presence of a knife in his neck.” – Baseball Think Factory comment.
5. “I blame it on his lack of clothing in hotel hallways.” – Baseball Think Factory comment.
6. Unrelated, but I enjoyed it: “Dice-K: I Only Signed With Mets So I Could Meet Third Eye Blind” – Randy Medina, readtheapple.com.
7. “Bad news for the Mets for sure, but no worse than the time Mike Piazza tried to order seventeen Big Macs from a KFC.” – Deadspin comment.
8. “They’re right next to 35 chop shops. Can’t they scavenge Johan Santana for parts?” – Baseball Think Factory comment.
9. “In other news, there has been a drastic increase in alcohol sales in NY today.” – Reddit comment.
10. “Breaking news, Zack Wheeler has been devoured by a pack of hungry wolves.” – Reddit comment.
And to leave on a happy note:
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Brian Mangan is … bummed.
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