Marshall Henderson Invents New Twitter Defense

By: Michael Abitabilo

For years now, athletes and other public figures who post regrettable material on their Twitter, Instagram, or other social media sites have been able to rely on a predictable but effective defense: “I was hacked!” The I Was Hacked Defense (“IWHD”) is great because rarely does anyone care enough to investigate the circumstances around the alleged hack to verify whether it actually occurred. Instead, we just roll our eyes and attach an asterisk to our memory of the inappropriate post(s).

The IWHD has become so common, we can almost predict its use before the public figure issues it. So when former Ole Miss star (and internet sensation) Marshall Henderson tweeted his disgust for Michael Sam’s reaction to being drafted, it seemed like it was only a matter of time until the IWHD would be invoked.

 

But then, something awesome happened. Much like the Wright brothers, Marconi, and Steve Jobs before him, Henderson changed the game. Henderson didn’t rely on the IWHD, nor its polar opposite (i.e. the “Prepared Apology With a Promise to Learn From This Mistake” statement).  Henderson shocked the world by claiming that his homophobic tweets were just research! That’s right! When Henderson said he was boycotting Sportscenter until ESPN stopped showing Sam and his “nasty ass shit,” it was all just part of a sociology experiment. His concern over the fact that his 7 and 11 year old brothers saw two men kissing on TV? Research. Duh. His stated belief that the embrace was “#SICKENING”? All part of the same study. But why would someone with nearly 70,000 Twitter followers embark on such an experiment at the peril of his own reputation?

 

Well that makes total sense, Marshall!

Perhaps the most underrated part of Henderson’s response to the uproar his tweets caused? His non-denial. One might expect someone trying to convince the world that he isn’t actually a bigot to affirmatively state that the statements he made as part of his research study do NOT represent his views in any way. Not Henderson, though. He wants you to know that his stance on the issue is “irrelevant.”

Because, you know, “[gayness] is gonna happen regardless” of Henderson’s beliefs.

Marshall Henderson: athlete, student, scholar, revolutionary.

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Mike Abitabilo is the co-founder of the Read Zone, and wonders if its too late for Donald Sterling to claim he too was conducting a research project.